But she knew what to do: she had seen it in the movies! She grabs the radio microphone and calls out: “Mayday Mayday Mayday! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. I don’t know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!”

Immediately a calm, reassuring voice replies. “This is Air Traffic Control,” he says, “and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I’ve had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine. Give me your height and position.”

She says, “I’m five-foot-four and I support Mitt Romney.”

There’s a long pause.

“O.K.” says the voice on the radio, “I didn’t realize you were blonde. Repeat after me: Our Father, who art in Heaven….”

(Do/from JumboJoke)

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began breast feeding the infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, “Gosh, that’s a good looking baby — and he sure was hungry!”

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the changing pressure in the baby’s ears.

“And all those years,” the old captain said, suddenly looking terribly sad, “I just chewed gum.”

(Do/from JumboJoke)